Becoming A Great Receiver

I came across this article via the Harvard Business Review twitter handle. They are constantly tweeting great articles. This one happens to be about receiving communication. Read the full article written by Peter Bregman here. 

The better you are at receiving, the more likely people will talk to you. And that's precisely what every one of us needs: to be surrounded by people who are willing to speak the unspoken.

So how do you become a great receiver?

1. Be courageous. We often attribute courage to the speaker, but what about the receiver? 
I may have been scared broaching topics with Alma, but I had the advantage of time and preparation. I could control what I said and how I said it. I was able to think about it beforehand, write down a few notes, and test my thoughts with someone else. 
The receiver has no such advantage. Like Sam, he has to receive my throw, however, whenever, and wherever it lands. He has to be willing to listen to something that might make him feel afraid or insecure or defensive. And if he is a great receiver, he will take in the information or message thoughtfully, even if the delivery is awkward or the message jarring. That takes tremendous courage.


2. Don't judge. Receiving is as much about what you don't do as it is about what you do. 

Resist the temptation — blatantly or subtly — to be critical of the speaker or what the speaker is saying. Don't argue with her, poke fun at her, shame her, act aggressively, turn on her, become defensive, or act cold toward her. 


3. Be open. In order to receive a pass in any sport — and at work and in life — you need to be free, open, and unguarded. 
Yet we often guard ourselves. Powerful feelings like fear, anger, sadness, and insecurity do their best to block our ability to receive a pass. If you want to be a talented receiver, your task is to feel your feelings without letting them block or control you or your response. Breathe. Acknowledge what you're feeling to yourself — maybe even to the other person — without dwelling on it. 

Reiterate what you're hearing, ask questions, be curious. Not curious in an "I-will-find-out-enough-information-so-I-can-prove-you-wrong" way. Curious to understand what the person is saying and to understand what's underneath what they're saying.

If you can be courageous, avoid judging, and stay open — even if the toss is awkward and the message unsettling — then, like Sam, like Alba, you'll be able to catch pretty much anything.

And when you're skilled at that, you'll be a most valuable player of any team you're on.